I was a playboy for 20 years of my life.
I slept with literally 450 women.
How do I know of this specific number?
Because when I was young, I used to write my exploits in my diary and look at them proudly.
This was my score sheet.
This was my balance sheet.
This was the sheet of my self-worth.
And out of the 450 women I dated, I married 3.
But as I grew older, a lot of inner reflection, self-education & thanks to the power of mentoring — I realized why I did what I did.
It wasn’t for sex or pleasure alone.
It was for me to know — I was ‘special’
So with a new found understanding of myself — I stopped chasing women for only sex, love and attention. Now I used them for my personal or professional benefit.
You see — I am not the typical ‘hero’ or ‘role-model’ in a fairy tale.
I am the bad boy.
The guy your mom & dad told you to keep away from.
So, given that I accepted I was a ‘bad guy’ — I choose to use people. And the person I used the most and most unapologetically — was ironically my best friend, the most amazing human being and the person who saved my life when I was nothing, a nobody and a no-one.
I used her in every possible way I could.
My focus was clear — do whatever it takes to suck the last drop of blood to ensure success towards my larger goal in life — finding true happiness.
Today, I am 42 years old.
I look back on my life and look at all those things I have done.
Some I see with a sense of pride.
Some with a sense of gratitude.
And some with a sense of regret.
Regret because I am not an evil person, neither am I a sadist. Nor am I on a question to hurt, harm and humiliate good people.
That is not who I am.
But in order to succeed, survive and thrive, I had to resort to many questionable decisions. And those decisions lead to unethical, immoral & unacceptable action.
So my question to you is this — Does Karma Exist?
If it does — where does it exist?
When does it manifest itself?
Why doesn’t it manifest itself especially in the case of many people who commit exceptionally bad and violent acts but never seem to pay the price for it?
Today, I am a happily married man.
I have a exceptionally wonderful career.
I have decent savings.
I have a beautiful, loving, faithful, caring, and an understanding spouse.
I have a beautifully blessed baby on the way.
I have a life many would dream about.
But when I look back at the people who did crossed my life — the people I used — the good people, the spiritually blessed ones, the nice ones, the kind ones, the decent ones and the ones whom you know would never hurt or harm anyone — well, they are not living a ‘wonderful’ life I would say.
Most of them have a miserable life.
Many of them have a difficult existence.
And a handful of them have found themselves in such desperate situations, they have even contemplated suicide.
And how do I know this?
Some of my ex’s still write to me from time to time — not all, some of them.
They still communicate to me.
Some comment on my Social Media.
And then there are those who feel they have no one else whom they feel they can open up to. So given that I am an ‘old-devil’ — they share a few insights of their lives with me.
But more than that, I get people from around the world who come to me because I am an Online Coach whom anyone can open & share anything about themselves without having the fear of being judged.
When I read these emails, chat with them, talk to them — I wonder why — seriously, why is it that someone who is good hearted, someone who is a good person, someone who has good ethics, morals, upbringing and values — why is it that they have to suffer so much?
Is this belief that “If you do good, you will receive good” actually true?
Does doing good to others, actually do good for you?
If you do bad, will you get punished in this life?
If so then, why are so many bad guys so happy and living the good life, while so many just, holy, pious, kind, loving, caring, genuine & good people — suffering?
So should you buy into the package that “suffer now on this planet so that AFTER you die, you enjoy ‘eternal’ happiness in the land of milk and honey & 72 virgins?
You seriously believe this nonsense?
Where is the justice in all this?
Where is god?
Where is Karma?
And seriously — what the fuck is Karma?