The Question That Took Me The Dark Side

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Darth Maul

I have always been fascinated with the Dark Side. In fact, I have always wondered what would it be to be ‘Evil’ without actually hurting or harming anyone innocent. And this fascination has remained with me since childhood.

Growing up in an abusive home — I have wondered — what would it be like to have super powers and then….. to do whatever I wanted. Even though I loved the good guys like Superman or The Centurions (cartoons) or The Gobots (Cartoons) — I some how secretly fascinated the Bad Guys.

And this finally came to be when I saw Star Wars — Episode IV — A New Hope. The strange thing was — I didn’t like any of the heroes. But I loved one character — Darth Vader.

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Darth Vader

He was so beautiful, so elegant, so powerful. His voice, his built, his demeanor. Nothing like those lousy heroes and the good guys of Star Wars. He stood out from the rest.

Sadly like everything else — he eventually died — but his words rang in my head “Join the Dark Side”.

As a kid, I didn’t know what it meant but it stuck in my head. And it stayed there.

Today someone asked me this question on Quora — if I could go back in time, what would you do differently this time. As I started to think of writing down the answer — suddenly, it hit me.

You know that feeling of “Déjà vu” — when suddenly everything stop moving, when time stands still, when you have hit upon something that really makes you think? Really think?

This was what the question did to me. It just disturbed my equilibrium. And I thought to myself — what would I have done differently if I could go back in time….what would I have done?

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Loy Machedo at 4 Years of Age.

Here are the things I would have told my younger self to do, if I could go back in time and redo everything one again.

  1. Completely distance myself religion, religious teachings, god, the church and every possible religious person.

So how is all this taking me to the dark side you might wonder?

All that I stated above — I incorporated into my life only after the age of 35 — when I tried to kill myself. It was that moment when I took Personal Responsibility of my life, my situation and everything around me.

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I changed myself completely — from being a nice, kind, loving, wanting to please people kind of a person to what I am today. The impact was so strong and so powerful — I was never the same person. And from that moment on — I became something that everyone around me not only feared, but hated and despised.

It has been a crazy journey with so many experiences. The strange thing — when I was good — the world around me was bad. But when I became bad — suddenly the world around me became good. And it wasn’t because I started to do things as an evil person.


It was because I embraced the Dark Side in me. I did just the opposite of everything that was taught to me — And became in the eyes of the world — An evil person, a psycho, a wierdo, a nut-job, a fool, a rebel — a…. a kind of person you would never want your son to be or your daughter to meet.

But that lead me to where I am today. And that is why — If I could go back in time to that small boy who was innocently smiling and assuming the world was a nice, loving, caring and amazing place — I would look him in the eyes and tell him “My dearest Loy…If you want to be happy, successful and the legend you are destined to be…..Use the Force…..Join the Dark Side…”

Loy Machedo

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