Forgive and forget is not my thing and has never been my cup of tea. Because right from childhood, I have been hurt, punished, taken advantage off and bullied by people. In fact, my own parents and relatives have committed such crimes against me for years and years, I sincerely do not see the merit in forgiving them.
Oh and in case, you want to lecture me about giving them a chance, let me tell you, I gave them plenty of chances of genuine, heartfelt and sincere acts of forgiveness — only to have them strike me back like a king cobra waiting to kill its prey.
So I haven’t been a big fan of the forgive and forget principle. I have come from a world where I experienced human beings who were actually monsters and who were capable of doing extremely inhuman things. And that too — not just once, but many times over. Over and over again.
So please — forgive and forget is NOT my philosophy in life. And it is not what I want, respect and will ever do.
So what is my principle where evil acts are concerned?
Simply put, it is the horrible and horrific act of taking REVENGE.
So how exactly do I take Revenge and make it so horrible, so painful and so terrible that the opposite party never forgets?
Let me share with you story of 10 years summarized into 7 lines.
- The girl I truly, madly & deeply loved dumped me in the most violent manner possible whereby I ended up in a depression for 4 years.
- She dumped me because the new whom she decided to go for was:
B) More Successful
C) More Wealthier
D) Had a stable career
E) Though born Indian, he had a Western Passport
- And even though I begged, pleaded and wept for her to come back to me — she was totally convinced, I wasn’t the one for her. And I did this for nearly 2 years.
- I had pictures & videos of her in truly compromising positions & acts, including her email address, house address, information about her friends, passwords, personal artifacts of hers — which I could have used against her. But I choose to do nothing bad to her. I returned them all back to her.
- And to add insult to injury — after she dumped me, she splashed pictures and videos of her new lover and her all over social media in the most explicit manner possible to let everyone know how happy she was. Oh and did I tell you — I had tattooed her face on both sides of her chest to show my love for her when we were together? (Yup….. I know)
- Oh and did I also tell you — one of the (many) reasons she dumped me was that she could never be introduce a ‘freak’ like me to her parents and she could never imagine how someone who had tattoos like me could be a good role model for ‘her’ children. In fact, she asked me how would she introduce me to her friends and family members as ‘the father of her children’ given that I looked like how I looked.
What she said, hurt. But I guess it was one of those phases of my life.
- And last if not the least, the reason she dumped me was because I wasn’t financially well off, didn’t have a stable career and well she wanted someone whom she could introduce to her family and friends ‘with pride’.
It took me a solid 4 years to get out of depression where I really, really, really suffered. It was horrible. Really horrible.
Nearly 10 years passed since that day…..
I was now a changed man.
I was very famous having spoken at TEDx, being featured on National Television and also being featured on Coca-Cola’s viral youtube advert:
I now had a successful business practice and a good number of clients. And yeah — financially, I was nearly 100 times more successful than I ever was in my life.
Everything was going great. Until one fine someone one got in touch with me. At first I couldn’t recognize who it was but eventually, to my shock and surprise — it turned out to be the girl “I once loved more than life itself.”
Long story short, this is what transpired in her life:
- The college she was studying in Dubai, UAE, apparently offered her a degree that wasn’t valid in India. So she had to repeat the 4 years of Medical Education once again. So she lost 4 years of her life
- Her boyfriend apparently got bored of her and where the spark of romance & lust burned so brightly, it was now reduced to constant fights, disagreements & displeasure.
- The boys parents whom once loved the girl and her parents who once loved the boy — well, apparently both of them now couldn’t stand the other.
- Her parents who once upon a time had a successful business, ended up losing all their money due to the recession.
- Oh and just so that you know — she was born Diabetic. And her health was super sensitive. When she was with me, I made sure she would never drink, smoke or engage in any behavior that would result in her health deteriorating. However, her new lover on the other hand didn’t feel this was very important and ensured she would drink as much as she liked, smoked how many ever cigarettes she wanted and yeah — went to all the night time parties possible. Her health deteriorated to the point that after the 10 years of abuse, now she was even weak to stand and work for more than few hours at a stretch.
- And because of her health condition, she was not being offered a job in any place. And to top it all, she wasn’t getting any marriage proposal because of this very fact — her health was declining. Forget giving birth to a baby — even a mosquito bite could result in her falling seriously ill where she would have to be hospitalized.
I listened to everything she had to say. And I kind of got the hint that was interested to come back into my life if that is what I wanted. I listened to her story, her sentences and her situation. And I also knew what and why she was trying to give me the “I’m-a-victim” story. Had she done this 10 years ago, given the man I was then, I am 100% sure, I would have accepted her into my life even without thinking because those days — well, I thought more with my emotions and my heart. But now, I was a different man, a different person and a different beast at it.
And that is why when she did indirectly let me know she was interested, I laughed it off and let her know who I was 10 years ago and who I was today.
I wasn’t rude, I wasn’t evil, however, I wasn’t apologetically humble. I let her know who I was. Simply because I had earned my stripes, I had endured the pain. And I now enjoyed the success I was enjoying. And I didn’t have to be ‘nice’ or ‘humble’ about it.
I let her know that she was my past and now she didn’t matter to me at all. And personally, I totally agreed with her ‘self-depreciating’ statement that “I was lucky to be free from a woman with so many sicknesses, issues and problems. And that now I had the freedom to choose the best of the best and no someone used.” (yes folks, these were her own words).
She was shocked that I was so focused, so different and so indifferent. And following that, we not only said goodbye, I asked her not to keep in touch with me ever again as I had no time for people like her.
So now, how exactly did I take cold, calculated and callous revenge against this young girl?
No, I didn’t harm her.
No, I didn’t hurt her.
No, I didn’t do anything that focused on her.
What I did was use all that anger, all that pain, all that darkness, all that evil energy and all that rage that I had against her — I channelized it to make ME stronger, better, badder and more focused where self-development, self-growth and self-education was concerned.
I focused day and night into studying, learning, business, making money, evolving and having a better quality life. So while she was busy enjoying a romantically enjoyable life, I was grinding it out in the heat, in the discomfort and the dungeons of hardships. And 10 years later, I was 100 times the better person I was when she left me.
And all this progress took place ONLY because I was absolutely focused, madly obsessed and incredibly vengeful against the wrong she had done to me. Had I forgiven her, had I forgotten this act, I doubt I would reach the point, the position and achieve the purpose I had achieved today. And this is the Power, the Purpose & the Point of Taking Revenge.
I took revenge against her and the act she committed but not hurting her but by developing myself into the greatness I reached today. And that is why I was in a much better place than her. The fact was and is, I had no control over her, her life or her future. But I did have control over my present, my emotions, my feelings and my life. And that is what I decided to take total and complete charge off. And that is why I became so good, that she regretted leaving me.
So the next time someone asks you to “Forgive & Forget” someone — remember my story. And yeah — do make sure you take Revenge. But a revenge where you do not focus on hurting anyone. But Revenge by channelizing all the negativity, all the pain, all the toxicity into refining, reshaping and rebranding YOU to the next level. Because in the end what matters is not anyone else but YOU.
So go ahead my friend — Take Revenge.
But do so — intelligently and yes purposefully.
And that is where, I leave you with the wise words of American crime writer Patricia Cornwell who said it beautifully “Survival was my only hope, success my own revenge”