Should You Marry Someone Out Of Love Or Logic?

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Given my once upon a time a playboy lifestyle, attention seeking affairs, and 3 successful divorces, I can confidently state today that “I am a happily married man.”

My current wifey, Nitnipa Nakoon is a 26-year-old Thai woman who hails from a village in Ubon Ratchathani. And she is without a doubt the Perfect Woman in the world for me.

I say perfect because in every sense of the word — she is perfect. In fact, you may find hard to believe this, but my wifey literally worships me. Every morning after we wake up, she cooks, cleans and takes care of the house. She ensures that anything and everything I need is brought to me at my desk. And in the night, before we go off to sleep, she literally massages my feet until I go off to sleep.

I am pretty sure the feminists & women who scream and shout for the equality of women’s rights would look at me as a monster who never wanted a wife but a housemaid or slave. I have received my share of complaints, criticisms & abuses from people online. However, if you ask my wifey about it — she will tell you she is absolutely happy. Super happy in fact.

Many times, even I have asked her why is she so happy with me when I have these strict rules in the house of no noise during my work or that I need space when I am doing my work. She responds by saying “I am working hard for the family.” And added to this the fact that I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t socialize, I don’t shout, and I am always at home — she finds this life much better than what she once experienced.

My wife was married through her Thai-customs twice before with both the times where the man in her life was physically, mentally & emotionally abusive. They were unfaithful, addicted to smoke, alcohol and drugs. And if that wasn’t any worse — both of them were physically & violently abusive.

I for one, HATE — absolutely HATE people who abuse other people — especially women and children. Being someone who was born and raised in an Abusive household — physical, mental & emotional abuse, torture & disrespect wasn’t part of my lexicon. And I would never tolerate these traits in my life.

So even before I did get into any relationship, I made it very clear with all the woman in my life — we will have a good time. However, the day we cannot get along — lets part ways in peace, respect & with friendship being intact.

I guess, these rules became more and more specific, clearer & stronger as I jumped from one relationship to the next. By the way — did I forget to state, I was a playboy during my youthful years?

Due to my poor upbringing & desperate desire to seek validation, a sense of self-worth & inner happiness, I sought sex, attention & pleasure as a comfort. And for the 1st 30 years of my life — I made this my purpose — to have as many women as possible as my lover, friend and companion while enjoying every moment to the fullest.

This went on for a long time, until one fine day, I guess I just asked myself what was I doing, why was I doing it and for what purpose? Somewhere down the line, I completely lost the interest, the passion and the drive to have sex. I just didn’t want another relationship where the only agenda was sex and nothing else. And there is where I began the crusade to find ‘my better half’.

But over here lay a problem.

Should I follow what the wisdom of the ages stated “Let love happen?” or should I “Find love?”

Now, if I were a spiritual person who believed in Karma, goodness, doing good and good will happen, I would have allowed love to “come to me when the time is right” as the ‘universe’ would make ‘love’ happen at the right time.

But given that I was a guy who believed in Logic, Reasoning, Evidence, being Real & practical, I knew one thing — if something had to happen — I would have to make it happen. Nothing in my life would come in ‘magically’. Prayers, Magic intentions, positive energies, strong vibes and all that spiritual mumbo jumbo wasn’t going to work at all. So if something had to happen — I would have to make it happen.

So I took the management approach of selecting ‘the right candidate’ so to speak. I decided to approach my problem logically & practically.

So what process did I follow?
Here are the steps I took to get the perfect life partner ‘logically’.

  1. I advertised a need in all marriage/dating websites that I was looking for a suitable partner
  2. I was absolutely specific where my needs were stated (non-smoking, non-drinking, non-party)
  3. I was very honest & truthful what kind of a partner I wanted (non-smoking, non-drinking, non-party going housewife)
  4. I was explicit with the do’s, the don’ts, can and cannot’s (work is most important, marriage celebration = simple)
  5. I let the potential partner know of the expectations versus reality scene (I wasn’t rich or was loaded with money)
  6. Once my potential partner was chosen, I would ask my potential partner a series of carefully crafted questions to understand their way of thinking like what would happen if the relationship didn’t work out or what if I had an extra-marital affair or what if we had to break up
  7. Finally, it came down to the face-to-face meeting where I would spend the maximum time with the person to understand their thinking pattern, communication style & behavior patterns.

After nearly a year, meeting 6 different women and nearly selecting one (who ended up cheating me of all my money & running away), I finally bumped into my 4th wife. And I can tell you without a doubt — it was the best decision I ever took.

Today we both enjoy a relationship where respect is paramount, where each one of us knows our boundaries, what we are supposed to do, what we are not supposed to do, what is expected out of each other and what either of us needs to do to make the relationship workout.

In hindsight, I am glad that I choose this relationship on a logical foundation simply because after all the romance, the ‘feel good’ moments, the lust, the passion and the feelings would vanish (and which I believe gets replaced with friendship and a much deeper relationship), what would remain would be ‘logical’ reasons why we still choose to be with each other.

Where my wife was concerned, she just wanted a good man. Where I was concerned, I wanted someone who would naturally and effortlessly fit into my world — my brand, my work, my lifestyle and my personality.

That is when I met my wifey, I knew it in seconds she was the perfect girl for me. Given her upbringing in simplicity, low expectations, simple lifestyle, accommodating character, sacrificing personality and lovable heart, I just knew it she was perfect for me. And that is why today we are both so happy.

I do not know about you but I have seen too many marriages flow from the peaceful waters of romance, into the turbulent waters of egos, fight hard to survive the unpredictable storms of differences & finally crash into the rocks of hate. I wasn’t interested in complicating my life. And given that emotions were always fleeting, I didn’t want to take yet another gamble with my life that too at an age where I couldn’t handle more unnecessary action & excitement. It was time for me to settle down and so I took the only road I felt was best — the logical route.

Its been 8 months since we both got married. And its been 4 months since my wife found out she is pregnant with our 1st child. It is a first for both of us. Given how fast changes are happening in our lives at the moment, and the responsibilities that are sprouting up, I suppose we both are glad that everything is finally settling down.

Its funny when I think about it — I was once a playboy who never believed in settling down or being in love with only one person. Today, this concept of being in love and staying in love has very much become my reality. Yes, I will admit, that there is a selfish agenda in my decision. But I would rather be clear and upfront about it, then give a litany of romantic dialogues to Camouflage my true intentions.

My wife knows this. I am very clear about this. And I guess we both are happy about it. After all, whether I got married to my partner based on true love or true logic — what matters the most in the end is that we both are now married to each other and we both now live together as husband and wife “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”….Isn’t it?

Loy Machedo

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