Have you felt suffocated, nervous, petrified, mortified & paralyzed with fear when speaking to a member of the opposite sex?
If you have and you want to overcome this fear — this article is for you.
Before I give you the solution to this problem — consider these facts:
- If the member of the opposite sex was really fat, old, ugly, unattractive or unimportant — you most probably wouldn’t feel anything.
- I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t feel anything if the member of the opposite sex was your direct relative — your mother, father, brother or sister
- And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t get nervous or have your heart beating wildly when you bump into a member of the opposite sex who was physically ill, injured or plain dead.
So we can assume a couple of things here:
Most people who get nervous when they talk to a member of the opposite sex, feels this way when….
- The person they want to speak to is attractive (physically, mentally or is famous or rich)
- If they have expectations, hopes, secret agendas or wants to be fulfilled
And then if you factor in a big of human psychology, you can add stating:
- The person has self-belief, self-esteem & self-worth issues
- The person is afraid of rejection
- The individual lacks experience where human interactions are concerned
- The person’s upbringing & environmental factors did not support such interactions
- The person doesn’t know how to manage his own emotions & feelings.
So now that we have covered the basics with regards to the problem — lets focus on the solution
How can you talk to the members of the opposite sex without fumbling, mumbling, feeling nervous or making a fool out of yourself?
Here are my solutions & strategies:
- Remember —Its All In Your Head
If you do not feel nervous, shy or intimidated when talking to someone really old, fat or ugly member of the opposite gender or even your relative — why should you feel nervous, shy or intimidated when talking to someone ‘attractive’?
- No One Was Born This Way
When you were born — was there anything you were good at apart from crying, pooping, eating & sleeping?
It is the same with everyone.
Everything we do today was taught to us at some point in our lives.
In the same way — Human Interaction is also a skill we need to learn, adopt, adapt & learn to get better at.
- Treat It Like A Skill You Have To Master
Just as cooking, driving a vehicle, typing, playing a new game or trying a new sport takes time, effort, money & practice — the same involves your interaction with the members of the opposite sex.
The more time, the more effort and the more you play around with it — the better you will be at it.
- Make It Quantifiable & Measurable
If you were running a business and had a target to achieve USD 30,000 by the end of the month, the rough calculation would be USD 1,000 per day. So that would be your targeted revenue.
And if on a particular day you achieved more than USD 1,000 — you were ahead of your target. And hence, you could relax a bit the following day. However, if on that particular day you earned less than USD 1,000, the following day you would have to work harder.
If you follow the same strategy where interaction, communication & networking with members of the opposite sex is concerned by quantifying the work, effort, time & results involved — your chances to achieve your goal will become easy.
- Make It Fun
I remember me and my friend giving each other a ‘Dare’ or a challenge, where by we would have to do something difficult that involved a member of the opposite sex.
Sometimes we would challenge each other to talk to a total stranger for few minutes or to ask a woman we just met for the time or ask for some assistance. We did it so as to push each other to do more and achieve more. Such activities really helped me break through my limiting beliefs while interacting with the members of the opposite sex.
- Make it Easy
How difficult is it to say “Good Morning” to someone?
How hard is it to give someone a smile?
How complicated is it to ask someone the direction to a particular place?
When you do these things — you are at least doing something instead of nothing. And you are far more better than the person who just ‘hopes’ to get better but does nothing.
And when you do this — day in and day out — obviously you get better!
- Always Get Uncomfortable
The first time I spoke to a beautiful woman — it was very uncomfortable for me.
The first time I asked a really attractive girl on a date — it took a lot of courage (she said No!)
The first time I tried to dance with a hot woman in a nightclub — I made a total & utter fool of myself
The fact is when you try something new — you will fail, you will bomb and you will suck at it. However, that is the only way for you to grow. So get out of your comfort-zone and experience what life has to offer. That is the only key to growth!
- You Better Accept This Undeniable Fact
You will fail many many many more times than you will ever succeed. And every time you fail, it will hurt. And each time you fail, the failure will test your resolve even more.
But guess what — Even though you failed — No one cares and no one remembers! And in the grand scheme of things — its doesn’t matter how many times you failed & you messed up. What would really matter is how many times you did get up to try one more time.
Remember — you learn more from your failures & the moments you embarrass yourself. And that is truly the undeniable fact!
- Experience Is The Key
Remember the first time you tried to drive a car? did a workout in the gym? cooked a dish in the house?
I’m pretty sure things didn’t go as per plan.
But after many attempts, mistakes, trials & errors — you were able to execute the task perfectly.
Where it concerns members of the opposite sex — the more you interact with them — the better you will be at it.
- Attitude Matters
You may find it hard to believe this but I have personally known playboys, pickup artists & so called ‘hot’ celebrities who were once just like you and me — filled with insecurities, doubts, questions & with no idea what to do, say or how to interact with the member of the opposite sex. However, after after a few years, they transformed themselves to becoming an irresistible force of nature! And there is no rocket science here — it is all about developing & nurturing the right skills to succeed.
Today at 41 year of age as I look back at my life, I laugh at all the silly things I did just to be accepted, appreciated & admired by the members of the opposite sex. I wish I had a mentor or guide when I was young. But then again , that’s life — Its never perfect. However, if I were to summarize my entire experience for you on this subject, I would simply say this…..
If you want to improve in any field of endeavor — just simply reading a book or watching a youtube video or asking advice is not enough. You need to go out there do something — show through action & application. Human interaction, communication, networking, attraction & influence are skills that can only be mastered if they are constantly applied & experimented with.
I got better at Human Interactions only because I never gave up learning new things and applying new skills. It is only when I applied what I learned — did I grow and evolve. Like my mentor has always told me “One gram of practical experience is better than 1 kilogram of theory”.
So you want to Master the Art of Communicating with the Members of the Opposite Sex?
Well, I have given you 1,418 words on what you can do.
Guess what comes next?
Personal Branding Strategist
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