How many of you hate Pedophiles?
I’m pretty sure almost everyone will raise their hands up if asked this question.
However, if I ask you how many of you watch porn?
I doubt very many people will confess or raise their hands.
And if I ask how many of you have opted for paid sex?
I don’t think anyone will admit this.
However, if you look at it, I am pretty sure you know that the most profitable and fastest growing industry is the sex industry. So now the question is — if no one is raising their hand to admit they watch porn — who exactly subscribes to these channels? Who actually goes to watch these videos? From where do these millions and millions of likes, comments & views come from? And best question of them all — if none is ready to admit that they go to have sex with prostitutes — do people actually go to prostitutes? Is this really happening or are we simply imagining all this?
The fact is:
- Almost everyone watches porn. If not everyone — the figures are exceptionally high. And the only reason we do not have the ‘exact’ figures is because no one wants to admit.
- Nearly every man or woman has had a sexual or erotic fantasy to have sex with someone incredibly attractive. And most secretly desire to fulfill them at some point.
- There are many who go to sexual parlors, sex workers and sexually planned erotic holidays
- And when no one is watching everyone does have their dirty little sexual secret.
- In fact, paid sex, extra-martial affairs, not being married and having sex, friends with benefits — all these are different variations of each other. And I say this with the logic — if two adults engage in sexual acts being totally comfortable with each other and knowing fully well what they are doing — well, who is there to judge?
How am I so sure about all the above?
Because I have done all the above and I am no saint myself.
So now comes to the big question — what about Pedophilia?
Let me share with my experience & encounters.
There is no doubt that this kind of sexual preference should not be permissible in our society. After all — we are talking about children here. But then the bigger question comes down to — What do you do with Pedophiles?
Should they be killed?
Hanged to death?
Named & Shamed in society?
I am pretty sure there are plenty of opinions, views on how this behavior should be dealt with.
Now let me shock you with a confession.
I have met Pedophiles in my life.
Many of them.
In fact, I met one 2 years ago out of sheer accident.
He told he was hoping to find his 9-year-old and 11-year old girl for which he had paid nearly $1,000.
However, I am pretty sure he wouldn’t remember any of this because he was pissed drunk. And neither would he remember me because I had no idea who he was.
I was in a bar accompanying a potential business client and then out of the blue this man plopped up near the bar counter spewing his controversial confessions. Given that most of the women in that bar were as they call it ‘bar-girls’ looking for potential customers — I suppose all these kinds of weird behaviors were acceptable.
I knew I was headed to a crazy location however, I had no idea how crazy it would get later on in the night. There were many shocking things I did notice happening all around me. Stuff that you see in porno movies but never imagine it happens in real life. But I choose to mind my own business and focus on my client. However, what really stood out was what all this drunkard man shared.
I kept silent sipping on my carbonated water + lime and tried to digest whatever it is he was sharing.
I am pretty sure by now you must be shocked, horrified and disgusted with the fact that I even allowed him to confess such an atrocious crime and not do anything about it.
Well, here’s the deal:
1) I was a tourist in a third world country
2) I was in the country only for a week
3) My purpose of being there was only to accompany my client and hope to clinch his business.
However, I am pretty sure you are surprised at how casually I am sharing this horrible act against children.
Am I not disgusted?
Am I not shocked?
Am I not enraged about it?
Well no simply because I was once upon a time a victim of molestation, sexual crimes & rape.
Not once. Many times.
And the perpetrators of this crime were ‘normal’, ‘average’, ‘respectable’ and ‘nice’ men who had their own children, a wife and family.
So now the question begets — so why am I so tolerant about such a horrific crime?
Well — I am not.
Just because I am communicating my thoughts to you in a cool, calm and composed manner doesn’t mean I am not angry, hurt and upset about this crime. Don’t you think I too have a heart, a mind and a character to understand that harming children is unacceptable?
Any decent, normal and average person would feel the same. But what I want you to understand is my point of view.
After I got sexually molested repeatedly by the man I trusted, admired and loved the most — I asked myself why, seriously why did someone who meant so much to me, whom I felt I could entrust my life to — could do something as horrible as this?
I looked at him when he was with his children — he was such a nice man. I observed him when he was with his family, he was so understanding. So what actually trigged this crazy side in him? How could he do this to me? Or was it only me that he felt such a feeling towards?
Later on when I found out how he tried to do it to someone else I knew — I realized he was a Pedophile. Now at that time, given there was no internet or google, I had no way of knowing all this. However, as time passed by and I bumped into more and more people like this — it lead to do a bit of research. And this is what I feel is the case with Pedophiles:
- Pedophiles are people with a psychiatric & sexual disorder who find sexual attraction or have a sexual preference towards prepubescent children.
- There are many pedophiles who have this condition or urge. But there are also many of them who even though have this urge, have not succumb to this desire.
- It is not only men who have this condition. There are many women who also have this condition.
- People generally have the myth that most pedophiles enter into professions where they can interact with children more. However, I feel that the reason this doubt is raised is because when it does happen in a school — parents & children spread these kinds of news on social media far more than if such an incident happened in a non-school area.
- And as per Wikipedia, when many pedophiles find out that they have such a trait or characteristic in them — nearly 46% wish to commit suicide.
Now, what I personally believe is that this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. At the same time, we need to ensure that this issue is not put under the rug or ignored. Rather it should be discussed and shared both with parents & children. Because if tomorrow such a situation does occur — all the parties involved will be able to know what to do next.
I also, feel that this characteristic should be looked upon as a Psychiatric Disorder and must be seriously looked into as there are many people who have this condition but do not openly speak about it.
Finally, I think awareness, education & open discussion is the key to making this disorder — a problem that can be controlled. Simply hating, beating and killing someone is not the solution.
The Facebook Scandal
Before I conclude, let me share one incident that happened just a few minutes ago.
I was on facebook when I noticed a trending video.
It was a long 30 minute video.
Immediately upon watching the whole video — I called my wife to watch the video with me.
The video being shared on Facebook of an Indian man who was caught red-handed by Undercover Pedophile Vigilantes. The man who was caught in the act — looked very normal, very average and like anyone else. He worked as a IT administrator in a company and he lived with his family in the UK. However, he got caught by these vigilantes who posed as a 14-year-old girl — whom he had sent his nude pictures and whom he had sent explicit and sexual texts.
Now when I spoke to my wife, I asked her — “Why do you think guy tried to seduce a 14-year-old girl?”.
She responded by saying, “Man always want sex too much. He not going to lady bar to be happy. So he become crazy. And then he do all this.”
I totally agreed with my wifey.
It is because this man was sexually frustrated, that because he was unable to seek medical advice or guidance and because he had kept this urge as his dark secret — he was desperately seeking for avenues to fulfill his desire. And that is why in a moment of weakness — he completely and utterly destroyed his career, his life and his future.
Now, showing the video all over the world will do only one thing — destroy his life, which I am pretty sure is what has happened. He can never show his face to his friends, his family, his society, his work place and his future — well, looks pretty destroyed.
I am sure you would wish this for him.
But hear me out.
The man who committed the crime against me — well, guess what — he was a good man otherwise. He was very loving to his children, very kind to his wife and a great family provider. And his children have grown up to be warm, wonderful and worthwhile people. Even though he is no more, imagine the damage it would do to him and his family had he been publicly named & shamed. Imagine, what he would have done to himself, had he not been able to handle the shame. And finally imagine the damage it would do to the entire family?
The funny thing is I am very close to this family to this date. And I can imagine how devastating it would be had the only option been — to name, shame or kill the person.
Look — I am not trying to make light of this behavior and this crime that is committed towards children. In fact, if you think about it — look at the Porn sites that offer porn flicks with the tag ‘teen’ — it is a massive and I mean massive number of 18+ women dressing up as if they were teenagers while having sex. Ask yourself why do these kinds of videos exist? Who is watching these videos and why does such a category remain popular?
The truth is this behavior is present is many people but not many or rather almost of all them do not wish to admit and address this issue. And because this issue remains existent but not addressed you have so many crimes being committed against innocent children — which is truly not just shocking but saddening as well.
I know this because today as a Coach, Mentor & Trainer, I interact, speak, listen and deal with a few who have the courage to open up to me with regards to this horrific crime.
I listen to them cry, I watch them sob their hearts out and I feel their pain. I let them know I am not a qualified or certified counsellor. But I am someone who went through what they have gone through today. And I tell them whatever I know on how to deal with this unpardonable act.
There is no point crying over what has happened but to take personal responsibility and fight the injustice, the crime and the problem we have in our society.
I just want to conclude stating this to you.
When I was molested, raped and taken sexual advantage of — I was hardly 7 or 8 years old. I still remember that fateful day that impacted my life so deeply. Being molested or raped does have serious implication and it does affect its victim a lot. I went through life having these questions that ranged from my own sexuality to feeling deeply ashamed.
But here is something I want you to know.
Even if you are molested or raped — it is not the end of the world. There are victims who have been made to go through a lot more — lot more worse than this. From being forced to marry their rapist to being named & shamed by their own parents.
I had to endure being molested and raped. And on top of that being tortured, tormented, targeted by my Step Father verbally, emotionally, mentally and physically for the next 20 years of my life. There were days where I would bleed from every part of my body because he would remove his anger out on me — from hitting me with a thin bamboo cane to a leather belt to violently slapping me from one corner of the room to another.
I guess I was lucky not to get into a life of crime, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or bad company. However, I did channelize my energy into sex, women and attention seeking. I guess that is part of me being an ADHD personality but then again — I don’t want to give excuses for my actions.
Today at 41, I stopped all the remaining vices of sex, wanting to sleep around, have no-strings-attached relationships, the thrill of seducing yet another woman or bragging about how many new girl-friends I have. I guess….no, rather I know it was me seeking validation, seeking a sense of self-worth, seeking attention and most importantly, seeking love to fill the vacuum. Today, if anyone asks me to get into a relationship with them or a moment of sexual thrill behind closed doors — my answer to them would be “I appreciate but I am happily married with someone I deeply love.”
It took me years of self-healing, self-discovery, self-growth and self-evolution to reach where I am today. And it wasn’t just the books that I read or the people I was with. It was time. When you go through something as painful, traumatic & horrific as this — you need time heal.
I have been fortunate enough in my career & role as a Coach, Mentor & Trainer to meet many youngsters & adults who have opened up about their lives to me. I would like to believe I did make a positive impact in their life through my story and through my perspective. But then again — this is my speculation and not my guarantee. But whatever said and done — I can tell you one thing — Even if you are molested, raped, tortured or tormented — whatever the tragedy — you have the power to choose.
You can choose to be a victim
Or you can choose to be the fighter.
You can choose to sit and cry about it.
Or you can choose to use this pain to empower you.
You can choose to be angry with the world and against such inviduals.
Or you can use this rage, anger and pain to make you more powerful, more successful & more incredible.
That is one thing you have — THE POWER TO CHOOSE.
And I choose to be in control of my life, my situation and my decisions for the future. That is why today, at 41 — I am where I am.
Pedophilia is a crime in our society but at the same time it is a medical condition and it is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to this. However, simply castrating, harming, naming & shaming or killing is not the solution to this sickness. We need to approach this problem with logic, with care & with alertness.
As I end — I want you to know this.
Tomorrow when I have my daughter — I will make sure I do everything in my power to teach her not only how to defend herself but to be very aware that if in case something like this happens even remotely — she knows she can come to me without a seconds hesitation. Here papa — this tattooed guy — will be there to not only protect her but to empower her to protect herself.
I will not pamper her.
I will not baby her.
I will not make life easy for her.
But you can be absolutely assured — I will make her one hell of a sonofabitch who will know when to kick ass and kick ass really hard. Because I want to be sure that even if I am there or I am not — my child can take care of herself.
So to all the innocent souls who went through this unforgivable sin — Be strong & stay strong because the world we live in — is in a way — a Big Bad Bold Bitter & Brutal Place. And if you are not ready for it — it will eat you alive. And as long as you live, there will be the good, the bad and ugly. So until, we find a permanent and lasting solution to this sickness — here is me giving you the message of hope.
If I was a 7 year old boy could survive molestation, rape & nearly 20 years of verbal, physical, mental, emotional torture and today at 41 proudly say — I never touched alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, joined a life of crime or bad company and have a decent professional, personal and family life — You my friend can and will have something much better than you ever imagined.
This is me raising my morning espresso to your health.